And not necessarily because they don’t want to or don’t have the time to, but because you are one of the only people who your child will listen to, talk to, work with, and eventually get things done with.

Lets back up to mid 2017.

So there is me and my husband, whom our eldest will almost always ‘work with’. Sometimes only me. She is currently going through the process of being diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I think the psychologist used the term high functioning? She talks well in general but has A LOT of struggles with her social and emotional development, along with other things. She has sat the ADOS-5 test. We are currently waiting for the report and the referral for diagnosis. But her psychologist is certain she is on the spectrum.

This has been a blessing, as I have been able to look further into this and have started trying different angles with her and we have been talking a lot about friendships and feelings and we have already noticed I small difference. We have a long way to go but I am praying that soon we will have more help and support her as much as we can.

For now though, it’s a waiting game.

Some days are easier and less of a challenge but others are just way past challenging. This week I have been knocked over with the flu, on top of my chronic back pain and nerve damage and other health issues. It has been hard. But afternoons, nights and weekends my husband is here to help and we work together as best as we can in our own situation. He has been able to take over most things this week except morning routine and getting to school. Monday and Tuesday I just managed with a little help from a girlfriend Tuesday morning taking the girls to school …. but today was just one of those days that had Olivia’s emotions all over the place and everything was too much for her.

See girls mask ASD very well. So well that most often go undiagnosed until puberty/early teens when their ‘at home’ behaviours start showing themselves at school or other places than manage to cover themselves and blend in as it’s another stage in their developmental areas. Olivia’s psychologist is thrilled that our GP (importance of having a good, reliable and regular GP for you and your children) and I both knew something wasn’t right. He suspected ADHD or ASD. The sooner their is a diagnosis the sooner we can all help her to learn the way she needs to and get any other help and support we can. (I don’t know what else yet.)

So back to this morning, every single thing that we normally do went all out the window of doing and it was just melt down after meltdown over anything and everything. I think I may have uncovered a few things playing on her mind that she is obviously having troubles working through herself so I will have to approach those carefully, one at a time, at a time I think is suitable and hope for the best. This usually works …. well a lot of the time. I am still learning and have sooo much to learn. But I will do my best to do that no matter how hard things get. This morning really pushed me to almost breaking point where I did snap and yell and felt like a failure at parenting and life.

As I write this and Olivia is eating her second choc spread sandwich after 4 ham toasties (no crusts of course) and she has calmed down since watching her ipad, an apologised to me for her behaviour …. I am still struggling to be kind and loving towards her. And I feel freaking terrible for that. I managed to stop myself in time before blurting out that sometimes I don’t even want to be here. That would have crushed her, so I am taking that one as a win that I didn’t say it out loud.

I can’t ask anyone for help in these times because my husband can’t just leave work, and she can’t cope with anyone else when she’s in that state. Sometimes my mum, but she’s just had two new knees put in so she’s in her own recovery mode. It is hard … but it’s something we have to get through together and as a family and then hopefully we can start slowly inviting more close family and friends into that really inner circle of hers. It’s totally up to her though and at her own pace.

And Finally …

We have since moved into my bed after her feast as I was in desperate need of my heat pack … and I am a lot calmer now after getting all this out. I had been hesitant in writing and sharing about this as it involves one of my children, but whether I decide to share it or not, it has already helped me to get this out.

She is amazing girl who will be 8 this year, who just wants to fit in. She knows she’s somewhat different to some other girls … she doesn’t know about the testing and possible ASD diagnosis at this stage. If/when that happens, I will ask the psychologist for her opinion and help in that area. She has the biggest heart, is so kind and caring and thoughtful. We shall spend the rest of the school day snuggled in bed while I try to continue to get better and give my back a break before back to school for her sister. We all had a very hard morning but I know now it was just a morning … and together we will keep on keeping on …. with lots of cuddles and snuggles and I love you’s.

Michelle xx

Please follow and like us:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.